In the Kitchen

A trout flapped onto a counter as she walked by. She smiled. It always reminded her of the Real World Seattle when they threw the fish around like that.

She breathed deeply as she strolled past the fish market. The fish never overtook the scent of the ocean in her nostrils.

Ellie adjusted the grocery bags in both her hands from one ridge to another, and continued past the market, up the hill. In the distance, her mother stood on the porch. The front door was open wide behind her. As she approached, she examined her mother's face. Her lips were contorted to the side and she shrank her eyes, signs of both distress and annoyance. A red Mustang with the top down sat in the drive.

"Oh god, they're here?" She whispered, loud enough for her mother to hear.

Lynn closed her eyes and nodded.

"They're hungry, aren't they?"

Lynn nodded again.

Ellie sighed and grimaced. "Well, take these in for me and I'll go back into town for more."

"You can take them in now," Lynn said. "They're your friends. You have to greet them."

They're not actually my friends, Ellie wanted to say.

She went up the stairs and carefully stepped into the house, hoping that, if they didn't hear her come in, they would assume she was never coming back from the store, and they would leave.

Jake popped out first, from behind the kitchen door. "Ellie!"

She jumped, dropping the bag full of produce. A few apples and a head of lettuce rolled on the floor as he gave her a quick hug.

"Guys! Grub's here!" Jake snatched the other bag from her and ripped it open.

Ellie stood still. The ground shook. A stampede hummed in the distance, and arrived a few seconds later, in the form of Jake's teammates, Greg, Chad, Roy, Jim and Joe. Ellie watched with sullen eyes as they devoured the food she'd just walked three quarters of a mile to get.

Okay, maybe half mile.

She swallowed. "What are you doing here?"

Jake looked up from the cold, pre-prepared organic pizza. "You said we should come up sometime."

"When did I say that?"

"After graduation, at Lyssa's party."

Ellie's memory sucked her back to that night. The jungle juice had flowed like the music from the speakers, loud and plentiful. She'd worn a ridiculous top she'd borrowed from Lyssa, with spaghetti straps and pink sequins. When the music had started to pound in her head in the backyard, she stumbled through the house and out the front door.

The stars spun above her head like a mobile. She lowered her eyes to the grass. Dizzy, she plopped down on the stoop. She set her forehead in her hand and exhaled.

She didn't bother looking up when the gate on the side of the house opened.

"Hey." Jake's voice rang. "What are you doing out here?" His voice was so loud, pounding her eardrums.

"Just, um...breathing," she said.

He shrugged and sat down beside her. He sniffed and looked up at the sky. "Nice night," he said, nodding. He smelled of beer with the faint hint of a cigarette.

"Yeah."

Silence fell between them like an autumn leaf.

"So...what are you doing this summer? Before Cornell?" He tapped her shoulder with his.

She smiled modestly. "Going to Hampton Head, same as every summer. We have a house there."

"Really? Sweet!"

Not so loud, she thought.

She looked over at him and met his eyes by accident. She hadn't noticed that his eyes were actually more green than brown, shown in the light of the tall lamp on the street. Nor had she noticed the way a thick lock of hair would curl dangerously close to his eye. She wanted to brush it back with the tips of her fingers, to feel the coolness of his forehead.

She bit her lip and smiled instead. "Maybe you could come up sometime."

She hadn't meant it literally. Well, she had, just...

"I didn't mean all of you! Just--" She stopped herself. They all looked up at her, mouths full, waiting for the rest of the sentence. "Never mind." She shuffled her feet along the floor tiles. "I hope you don't plan to stay long."

"No way, man," Chad piped up.

"There's just this party we're hitting up," Roy said. "We'll probably end up crashing there."

"We'll have to!" Joe added. A piece of free-range turkey flew from this mouth. The guys laughed wildly and high-fived one another.

"Who's party is it?" Ellie asked.

They shrugged in unison. Ellie rolled her eyes. "Fine, don't tell me. But you owe me 75 bucks each for the food." She tossed a false grin at their stunned faces before turning on her heels.

As she marched out of the kitchen, toward her room, she decided to hold her tongue forever.

Never let them into your heart, her Gran used to say. Or your kitchen.